There is a deep guttural yell that wells up in me when approaching the topic of the sex drive. I feel a strong conviction that many of us, including leaders, have been missing the mark on this thing far too often for far too long. So my goal and hope is to shed supernatural light on the subject of what the sex drive really should look like for Christ-following men and women. Perhaps this will serve as a wake-up call to believers to not settle for an inferior reality - to look to scripture alone to define our new creation bodies and minds, and to not raise up human experience against the knowledge of God.
In order to bring light and truth to this arena, I first need to give my simple and clear definition of the sex drive: 'the physical desire, often expressed as an innate or inborn urge, to have sexual contact with another person, and derive sexual pleasure from that contact'.
The Oxford dictionary definition is even simpler; 'the urge to seek satisfaction of sexual needs'. Both are right, and good for our use as a jumping off point.
I also want to make it very clear that I believe sex, and specifically sexual intercourse, was created by God to be a beautiful and holy union between one man and one woman within the covenant of marriage.
So to the married men and women, I want you to know that it is my passionate desire to see your marriages become even more loving, giving, pleasure-filled and Godly. Sex God's way is unbelievably amazing!
To all of the singles reading this, I want you to have a new vision for what marriage and sexual union will look like with your future partner - and hopefully save you from a lot of headaches, heartaches and years of trials trying to live in a way you were never created to live.
As a Christian man and husband, I believe I am called to a much higher reality than 'managing my sexual appetities' or 'controlling my urges' as I've heard so often taught and preached from the pulpit. Thus I believe all of us are called to a much grander and more beautiful reality in Jesus than has yet been realized to its fullest extent.
Dear brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, the Christian walk is not to be bound by our human limits nor wisdom derived from the world.
The Apostle Paul, to the church in Corinth had this admonishment, in response to their behaving and living worldly (carnal) - "...Are you not acting as mere humans?" - 1 Corinthians 3:3.
He was calling the believers in Corinth to a higher reality in Christ. He goes on in verses 10-11 of chapter 3 to tell them that he is a wise builder, laying a foundation given to him by grace from God. He then says this; "But each one should build with care. For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ". Therefore we can rightly conclude that it is wise and correct to build on the foundation of Christ and Christ alone for all areas of our lives - for our higher calling.
Let's start together by taking a look at Paul's second letter to the Corinithians. In chapter 5 of his letter, we read this; "For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again."- [2 Corinthians 5:14-15].
I have underlined the key phrase which states, in essence, that the Christian is NOT to live for themselves, but for Jesus. This truth is beautifully illustrated and mirrored in 1Corinthians 13:4-5; "Love is patient, love is kind... it is not proud, it does not seek its own". There is zero love in selfishness, and there is zero selfishness in love. Selfish motive, or self-centeredness are in no way Christ-like; "because God is love..."- 1 John 4:8
I'm going to pause for a moment to insert this reality check:
If any view of your sex drive is rooted in self-centerdness, self-gratification; and if your attitude towards another human being requires them to be bound to your sexual urges, with you living at their expense emotionally and/or physically, then you are being deceived - 'cause that mindset and way of living is not Jesus.
Now jumping back to the scriptures, let's go to 2 Corinthians 5, this time to verse 17; "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new"- [NKJV].
Paul makes it very clear that he's declaring this truth from God to ALL believers - anyone who is in Christ. The phrase 'new creation' can actually be translated 'prototype', something never before seen. The old things that have passed away is referring to all of the things that filled a person's life before their born again experience, which are not come from God. When Paul says that all things have become new, he actually means all things. It means that once we are born again, everything of the old life outside of the Lordship of Jesus can and should be completely changed and reconciled to God; to honor Him, glorify Him, look like Him, sound like Him, become like Him.
So now I ask you this question - did Jesus have a sex drive to control and manage?
In my view, from the perspective of scripture as it is laid out before us - NO, absolutely not, totally absurd. I find nowhere in scripture where Jesus lives and walks in management of urges - disciplining Himself to 'look don't touch', or not to take that '2nd glance'.
Since we can't find managing a sex drive anywhere in the life and ministry of Jesus, then why in heaven's name are we allowing it anywhere in ours!?
But I'm not going to stop there - (If you have a Bible now is a good time to get it out and continue to follow along).
I've become so not interested in tossing human opinion around like a frisbee, including my own. I am interested in truth becoming manifest in the body of Jesus, and for all people to walk in the freedom that God has purposed for us.
Let these next verses be seen for what they are; God's inerrant and cleansing word to His church, His body. Their proper application and interpretation will allow us to 'see clear and be clear'.
"God is light and in Him is no darkness at all" - 1 John 1:5
"if we have fellowship with Him and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth".- 1 John 1:6
"As he (a man) thinks in his heart, so he is"- Proverbs 23:7
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." - Proverbs 4:23
Now to the words of Jesus himself as He ushers us into His covenant of grace, having come as the fulfillment of the law and the prophets;
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." - Matthew 5:27
Look at this profound revelation Paul brings to the church at Ephesus, (and to those of us with ears to hear);
"This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
But you have not so learned Christ, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness".- Ephesians 4:17-24
There are connections within these verses which show the correlation between our very heart posture and our relationship with Jesus. Walking in darkness is a non-renewed heart and mind, and separates us from Christ. Therefore, to say that a physical urge has the ability in any way to override our heart and thinking and pull us away from God's heart has got to be a deception.
Jesus tells us in the beatitudes that to even look at a woman with any lust for her at all is committing adultery. So how can visual stimulation of a sexual nature possibly be sanctified and holy? It can't, and therefore it only has permission to stay if we let it.
Paul doesn't say manage your old man. He doesn't say that in learning the truth of Jesus you will have more discipline to control your urges. He says put off the old, and put on the new.
In fact, in Colossians 3 Paul tells us that we died, and our lives are now hidden in Christ. In light of this, he goes on to say; "Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.
But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of Him who created him" - Colossians 3:5-10
Putting to death your members doesn't sound anything like managing or controlling them; and not only that, but once more Paul tells the church to put off the old man with his deeds, and to put on the new man - get this part- who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of God!
Perhaps at this point some of you are asking, is my sex drive really a part of the old man or the old self that I'm supposed to put off? The answer is YES - IF it is unsanctified.
In other words, if we live with a sex drive which looks exactly the same as if we were non-believers, then a whole lot of something is not right.
Since I was born again at the age of 39, I lived most of my life separated from God. I lived in sin and rebellion willfully for over 3 decades. I lived with a secular view of my sex drive for most of those years. So I can say with alacrity that I have an overabundance of experience in this area. I know exactly what it looks like and feels like for the devil to have lordship over my sex life. It sounded good, and even felt good because it's a very compelling counterfeit. In the absence of the real truth of sexuality as Jesus intended it, I had nothing for comparison and was left lost. But you my brothers and sisters reading this, are not in such a state. You have access to a greater truth, a superior reality. Do not let the world define your sex drive, for it may well be a shiny counterfeit. There is absolutely no part of the Christian life that should be separated from Jesus. We are not to close the bedrooom door for 20-40 minutes with Jesus waiting in the hallway, telling Him to come back later while we do our thing.
What a great hope and joy we now have in Jesus for a sanctified life, including a sanctified sex drive!
It is my desire and prayer for you that the eyes of your heart would be enlightened; that you would know the hope to which He has called you with your sex drive; that you would know the glorious inheritance He has for each of us in this area - in the safe confines and sanctity of marriage between one man and one woman for their lifetimes. When you discover the reality of another aspect of God's love within the marriage bond AND a Holy sex drive, you will never look back and want to help inspire others into the same glorious freedom and pleasure for their own marriages!
I want to finish with this simple prayer:
Father God I pray that all who see this know that they are loved by you; precious sons and daughters beautifully and wonderfully made by the power of your word of truth. Everything good and perfect comes from you, and I pray that all the body of believers be edified, encouraged, and free to shine brightly in Your glory and love - in Jesus name!
AMEN.
